Tools For Creating JOY in Any Relationship
If we’re not careful, our most precious relationship, with our spouse or partner, can be like the crime scene shown on the eleven o’clock news.
You’ve seen it… all the yellow tape marking the impacted area and the graphic details repeated ad-nauseum, eyewitness accounts edited for sound bits, or the dump-founded neighbors talking out of turn to claim their 15 minutes in the spotlight.
This could describe some relationships.
Maybe it sounds a bit like yours right now.
No one wants their relationship to be one of toxic, gory details, yet that is what some of us tend to do…create a graphic crime scene when we communicate.
From oversharing. From throwing out examples. To condemning or blaming or disrespecting the other, often times the oxygen gets sucked out of the room and out of the relationship simply because of a lack of good communication skills.
No oxygen equals no joy.
So, if you want JOY in your relationships, read on.
If you want to honor and respect and love your spouse passionately…
And desire the same in return, you may want to press play on today’s amazing interview in the 28 Days To A Sexier More Joyful U! series.
Our guests today are John and Narelle Canaan, a married couple deeply in tune with each other, completely in love, totally in respect of the other, who also happen to be relationship coaches.
John opens this interview by saying people need to feel safe in relationships.
Safety is more than a physical need. While it should go without saying the people must feel physically safe in relationships, John speaks deeply on a couple's ability to feel safe to share and communicate with each other.
I love the quote, “Take your frustrations to God. Take your requests to your partner.”
That about sums it up!
How often do we unload our toxic frustrations on the person we love?
How often does blame, shame, guilt, frustration or anger enter into the equation during a conversation.
Narelle gives a great visual of the way people tend to communicate, which causes so many issues. It’s graphic but it’s drives the point home. Individuals often tend to verbally throw up all over their partner.
For the moment, the one who tossed his or her metaphoric cookies might feel better, as they just “unloaded” all that unhealthy - well, verbal puke!
But, what about the partner who’s now covered in that nasty, toxic mess…?
I bet that individual doesn’t feel so loved, so appreciated, so valued. But instead, just needs to be hosed down - literally and figuratively!
John talks about a simple formula he uses when working with couples, which is also the same method he uses when communicating with his wife, Narelle.
He calls it U.S.A. Easy enough to remember.
It’s three basic steps that can show powerful results because it allows safety back into the relationship on both sides, therefore, allowing oxygen back into the room.
And thus, joy to be present again.
The U.S.A. Formula starts with asking for permission from your partner to share something. Example: “Honey, I have something I need to talk to you about.”
John goes into more detail on how to frame this as a question inside this interview. Once you have permission, there are three simple steps.
Step One: UNLOADED
Step Two: SPECIFIC
Step Three: AFFIRMATIVE
Broken down here, but not as well as John says it, is that once permission is given to share, the conversation must be UNLOADED from backstory and toxic history - the verbal throw-up that perhaps you’ve been part of tossing around in the past or had it hurdled at you. Never fun.
So, John suggests an unloaded simple request that is, step two, SPECIFIC.
Meaning, be clear.
I’m guilty of this, not knowing exactly what I want, so rambling on to my husband until he’s more lost than I feel. Yet, when I get specific with him, he gets it and there is less misunderstanding, drama and never the need for backstory, examples or toxic blame!
Last, AFFIRMATIVE. This seems easy enough but may take some practice. John recommends ending the request by pointing to a possibility not a disappointment.
Press play on this amazing interview to learn more on this important step and hear his amazing examples.
When U.S.A. is practiced, it’s a win for both parties. There is no defending. There is no stepping back from the person making the request but a willingness, and safe space in which to lean in.
John does say this takes discipline but it’s so worth it as it allows a direct path to an open heart.
There is no more accusation.
There is no more judgement.
There is no more condemning.
There is no more blame.
There is no more shame.
There is no more guilt.
There is no more fear.
Now, maybe your relationship is absolutely perfect. Maybe your communication skills with your partner are spot-on. And that’s brilliant.
But if they are not. If there’s just a twinge of worry when you want to approach a topic, then it’s time to press play on today’s interview with John and Narelle.
Imagine if you felt safe bringing up a topic, in request form as John teaches, to your spouse.
No stress or anxiety wondering how he or she will take it.
Simply open communication. Easy communication. All from a very safe place.
Can you feel your shoulders melt? Mine just did.
Imagine conversations with your partner, your children that carried no excess baggage of past mistakes, past failures or anything. Just a simply, specific request folded into an affirmation of what’s possible.
That feeling of relief at the thought is worth taking the time to watch this powerful and impactful interview.
Join Karen now as she sits down with John and Narelle who share more powerful tools you can start to implement today.
John discusses the Nightly Inventory Routine, which is easy and sets you and your partner up for success on every level, including your health.
Narelle shares about the frequencies, and thus one’s health, when one is involved in healthy communication versus an unsafe or toxic environment.
Narelle says, “To have joy. To feel sexy. It’s all about gratitude.”
What I love most about this couple and this interview is that what they teach here is all about defusing and setting the stage for future joy.
When there is open, safe communication there is no more building up of issues, anger or resentments.
Instead there is a deepening of friendship. There is a satisfying of each other's needs. There is more JOY, peace and happiness.
And as a side benefit, there is better health.
Higher frequencies, higher vibrating emotions do not allow dis-ease to take root in the body. So do as Narelle mentions, focus on gratitude.
And remember, this formula, this safe communication is good not just with your spouse or partner, but also can be used with a child, a parent, a co-worker.
Developing communication skills now will serve you each and every day of your life.
Press play and dive into this amazing teachings of John and Narelle Canaan now, even if your relationships are perfect. Who knows, you may learn something you can share with someone else.
As the Canaan’s say, “What are you watering? The weeds or the garden?”
I don’t know about you, all I know is I want to start watering my garden - stat!
And with that in mind, we’ve done something extra special.
We’ve actually made this interview available to you right now because the topic is so important for your communication, your relationships, your safety, in that relationship, and, to enable you to access more joy by putting all this into practice starting today.
And if you like it, as I am confident you will, and want all 28 Days plus some fabulous bonuses, you can register for the entire series now!
And, soon you will be able to watch John’s amazing seminar for FREE right here entitled, “What A Man Wants. What A Woman Wants.”
Check back for a link soon and watch for an article all about it.
But until then, press plan on today’s interview, get in on the entire series if you aren’t already and start using John’s U.S.A. Formula to help you AND your loved ones feel safe so everyone can experience more JOY.