Steps to Forgiving

Story:In my twenties I had four small children and needed to help with the family finances.  I started a cleaning business “Special Touch.”   Our slogan was “We brighten your home, we brighten your day, and we always leave a fresh bouquet!” Needless to say, we did VERY well!  Who wouldn’t want a fresh bouquet and a spit spot home? 

At the height of business, we were cleaning new homes, remodeled homes, damaged homes, residential and commercial properties and we had 17 wonderful employees.  We used all natural products, and loved working with all the people we employed and had as clients. 

Two of our lead staff members were very active in doing bidding with the local and national builders in our new home division.  They did not see the expense list, but they saw the money coming in, and they wanted more of it for themselves. 

When we returned from a week vacation with our small children, we found these two staff members had started their own business and had submitted a bid to a National builder, but used their new business name. The builders thought they were us, as we had been cleaning their new homes, so they won the 55,000 /year bid. 

Our family was sick, not only because we lost such a large contract for our business and two of our top staff members, but we had placed such immense trust into our employees, and felt betrayed. 

This is one of many times I personally have needed to work on that simple to spell, hard to do word:


It took many months to let go of such pain, but within two years it was only a memory.  

About four years after the fact, I felt impressed to stop at one of the ladies homes. The blinds had been drawn for over two years – as I passed her home often which was on a busy highway.  

When she answered the door, she looked terrible, and in shock she just stared at me.  I told her she was forgiven, and that she need not carry the emotions she was putting herself through any longer.  It was a tender time for her, and I found both ladies involved had lived with deep regret and self-frustration.  

My forgiveness of their actions years ago had freed me, yet their guilt had kept them captive. 

What is forgiveness? Translated in Arabic, the word becomes untie.   That has become my favorite description of Forgive = to Untie

Following are a few points that may help you forgive, and a link to the end of my forgiveness class when I speak on the DRAMA CYCLE. Please take a few minutes to watch the DRAMA CYCLE explanation. If you find yourself blaming anyone for anything, feel like a victim or someone’s hero– YOU are living in drama, and you certainly do not want to stay there for long!  Watch this video today! 

A Few Tips To Forgiveness:

Stop Telling The Story. You know who the storytellers are, they relate to the bad experiences over and over and over.  FACT: The more you tell the story, the more stakes you pound in the ground confirming that you have been wronged.  Forgiveness will never come when we keep retelling the story….

Realize that your enemy may not deserve to be forgiven, but you deserve to be free.

Replacement Theory: Every time you see in your mind the person or name of he/she who has wronged you, or anytime you drive by the area you were hurt – replace those thoughts with thoughts of kindness or wellbeing.  Simply think of raspberries or your favorite holiday memory.  Once you do this enough, each time you hear the word or the person’s name you will have less and less ill feelings until you feel it no more. 

Maintain Perspective:The enemy is still someone’s wife, husband, child, brother etc.  Ann Landers said “Hate is like acid, it damages the vessel in which it is stored and destroys the vessel on which it is poured.”

Wake Up In Love With Life!The more we wake up and give gratitude, the less we harbor ill feelings towards anyone or anything!

Send Them Love:Now this is the weird one right?   Sending love to those who have wronged you?  As insane as it seems, it WORKS! If you use affirmations, a grouping of sayings (Ho'oponopono), or just a prayer each time you think of the offender, the love and well wishes you send will come back to you.  TRUST me, I have used this so many times, and it helps me more than anything.  I personally LOVE using ho’oponopono. 

These are only a few tips to forgiving.  No matter what you find to use, know that many of those around you are doing the same thing, trying to forgive others.  And perhaps, they are trying to forgive YOU! 

I will end with three FANTASTIC words: LET IT GO……

….and part of my favorite poem by Martin Luther King Jr.

Hatred paralyzes life,

Love releases it.

Hatred confuses life,

Love harmonies it.

Hatred darkens life,

Love, illuminates it.

For a quick shift and a quick way to get out of drama – check out our DRAMA CYCLEvideo! Enjoy the few minutes that can help YOU stay free from DRAMA forever!


Karen Urbanek